SCHOOL OF LIFE

Compiled By: Deborah Namiwanda

School of Life: Failing

As a beginner in the school of life, I think it is safe to say that for a reader, this will be more entertaining than lesson giving. With that said I will proceed to tell you about my first lesson in the school of life which was failing. Failing to me meant there was someone or something to blame. It never occurred to me that sometimes people fail, and it is purely at no other fault than theirs. This of course changed this week where I failed, and it was my own doing. All the what ifs circled around me and obviously then came the anger. This being a school of life lesson from a beginner, I want to focus on how I dealt with my mixed feelings and what comes after.

For purposes of story clarity, I failed a pretty monumental exam and this failure messed up my entire life trajectory plan. On the eve of the results being released I was scared and anxious up to the moment I saw my results. The moment I realized that I had messed up the first thing that came to mind was this is all my fault. I bawled my eyes out and I felt myself fall apart in a way that I have never felt before. Now of course you are thinking, she has obviously never failed and to some extent, you are right, but I have failed before. What made this failure different was that I did not have anyone to blame. Even while I was being consoled and comforted, all the pity was unnecessary because I had done this.

If you are reading this and you are an applicant in the school of life, let me tell you that, sometimes you will fail, and it will all be your fault. When this happens, you may for a while (time being infinite) be drawn to a place of self-loathing and when this happens, I hope you push yourself to a path of forgiveness. As humans we joy in reminding ourselves that no one is perfect, implying that people are prone to hurting others. I think we often overlook the danger and inevitability of us hurting ourselves. We are just as capable of failing ourselves as we are of failing others. Our failings sometimes hurt us alone and when they do we have to forgive ourselves in order to move forward.

The forgiving bit can be tricky because some people tend to extend to themselves undeserving grace each time they mess up. I am not suggesting that you do nothing to prevent yourself after the forgiving part. After forgiving, there must be a change, measures put in place to prevent it from happening again. Execute tough love after forgiving yourself. Personally, I am now executing tough love and it is tough because I keep reminding myself that the consequences of my failure are set in stone, they are the cards I have been dealt and I cannot switch my cards, I just have to play them wisely.

Sometimes I am wistful, I long for a redo, a chance to do it all over again differently but if I was given that chance then that would mean that I would have to learn this lesson another time in a harder way maybe. I think that the difficult situations that we go through if reversed would mean that even the lessons that we learn as well as the personal character growth we underwent would be undone. It sounds strange but if you think about it, every time you wish to do things differently, you indirectly ask to undo the lessons you learnt which would mean that one way or another you will have to learn them again.

In the school of life, failing comes in many ways and I just experienced failure that was my doing. I am on my path of forgiveness while exacting tough love. It is hard and sometimes I break down and cry, but I already feel a new stronger heart forming, a wiser mind and a humble soul beginning to grow within me. That is the end of my first lesson. Till next time!

Compiled By: Deborah Namiwanda